can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
