made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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