I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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