if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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