I'm so fucking centered right now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
