I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
