Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
