Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
