I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
