Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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