come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So here I am, sexting at work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
