shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
