k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
