ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
