FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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