I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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