The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
