and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
