my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My penis needs a shock collar
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
