I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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