I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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