do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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