yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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