you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
