if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
