I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
