My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
