I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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