U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
