I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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