I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
