I accidentally burped into my bong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
