OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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