What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
