I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined the universe
Randomize
