Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize