Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
