yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
