I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
