so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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