Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
