Small penises have feelings too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
