The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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