just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize