Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
