there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
