That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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