I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
