I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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