omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
