There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
