you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
