I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
