He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize