Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
