Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize