so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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