I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
