I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
