I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
