Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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